Pack. Tape. Where is the tape? Marker. Boxes, stacking, move, shuffle, organize and throw out and Goodwill. Tired. Current house becomes a building. Decorations down, memories flooding my mind.

I cried. I thought of three year old Owen 4 residences ago. I’ll never again walk the stairs that he’d clump down, bear in tow, giving credibility to the folklore of Winnie-the Pooh and Christopher Robin. In the sun room he’d play with trains and alphabets, singing the songs of Thomas the Tank Engine and being the best three year old I can imagine. Sweet voice. Kind heart. Content with a mommy at home and fruit snacks.

That house was for 15 months. A good stretch in the world of the Hovets.

I can see it in my mind, but no longer is that place of the present. I can’t turn my head and look where he’d been. Maybe that’s for the better. Maybe I’ll have an easier time than some parents letting Owen be who he is now. I don’t know. Ask me in 5 years.

I am feeling differently with this move. I ache for the places of the past. I see more clearly than ever the value of settling into a place that can bear memories and then remind us, in the moment, what God has brought, allowed, done, taught, groomed, confronted, changed and led us to and through and out of.

I think God is allowing me to feel and think differently. I am ready to be in a place. A lot of land and a structure of old sticks (1910) that will collect our memories.

Tape again. Three overlapping strips for the bottom of a box. Thirteen previous moves teaches you these things. So does working at UPS. Boxes and stressful time lines have been a part of my life for a long time. But, maybe no more.

This time, I am going home.

Yesterday Owen (6) and I went to work on replacing our car battery. I was excited to have “car project” with him. I figured he’d get to unscrew some things or start the car when it was together.

How idealistic was that? The light was waning and the 4 bolts I had to work on weren’t hard to get on and off, but would have been nearly impossible for him to get to.  He eagerly watched for a moment. Then he started to wander around the garage while I used pliers to grip a bolt and the wrench to turn the nut.

Then Owen returned and picked up the unattached negative battery cable. (positive was attached to the battery) With one hand, he started to try to find what the cable should affix to.

I saw him doing this and knew it wouldn’t be a big deal. Unless he touched it to the positive terminal…ahem…

That’s what he did.

Sparks. Yelp. Run. Mommy! Stop, no, come here. Mommy! No, show me.

A zapped thumb. A sigh of relief. No harm done. So sorry son. I should’ve guided you better. It’s okay daddy.

Daddy.

What a job, task, privilege, calling.

I am blessed. I am blessed to change diapers still.  I am blessed to learn to control my anger when I am being sassed. I am blessed to have to learn how to put down my projects so I can get on the floor to build block towers for my 20 month old to knock down. I am blessed to go to bed with fathering regrets so I have to lean into God’s grace again. I am blessed to apologize to my son.

Being dad makes me think about what is important in this world. Sometimes what is important being careful to guide the next generations away from sparks and unwise poking around.

And other times what is important is mom learning about such adventures as those on her husband’s blog…

“Jenna! Do you have your shoes on?!”

“Can you pick the kids up?”

“Isaac, can we meet soon?”

“What does tonight look like?”

“Who is texting now?”

“Thanks for making dinner.”

Life flies at us. Life makes it’s presence known constantly. Today is today, but will quickly become yesterday.

Our today will affect our tomorrows and our yesterdays are affecting our todays. So, today is important.

It is really all we have.

The question is, what will we do with what we have today?

24 hours.

1440 minutes.

You’ll sleep some. Some need 360 minutes of sleep. Others less.

Now what? How will you spend your time? How will you be tomorrow because of what you’ve done today?

How about taking time for quiet? Wait, Isaac, shouldn’t I do more, get more accomplished, learn to trim my appointments so I can squeeze more in? What about reading more this year or running more or planning that elusive vacation?!!

Maybe those are important…

But start with quiet. A walk in the morning dark. Journaling. Going to bed early. Getting up early. Rest.

We don’t do that well, do we? I know I struggle. I struggle because I sometimes fail to believe that I am really approved of and loved by God when the productivity of my life isn’t astonishing. Every day I am faced with my limitations. I have to say no to a whole lot because I can’t be more than what I am. I wish I could see every game, concert, play, recital, etc that has something to do with the people of our church. I wish I could write more. I wish I could coach.

Saying no to these good things means that I am trusting God. I am trusting him to provide, through his Son Jesus, approval and favor and affection.

And when I trust him, I tend to be okay with the quiet and the mundane. When I trust him, I am free again.

We are repulsed and angered. These people are human, but when we imagine their crimes; when we put ourselves at the scene of the crime or try to picture the brutality, terror and oppression they’ve incurred, we disassociate with them.  We call them and their crimes inhuman.

We demand justice.  Justice is required and justice should be served! It sounds like  Lock ‘em up! Death!

If we could, we’d hit them. Hard. And again…harder.

Justice is rightfully administrated to those who violate the law! A passionate pursuit of making it right, or dishing out punishment for what has happened is right!  It is full of right…

A question arises, however…have we looked with the same intensity and emotion into our own hearts?

Jesus was teaching and confounding people left and right.  He was saying that it is blessed to be poor, that we should love even our enemies and not just passively so, but actively by giving them more than they’ve taken!

And then he confronts the hollow claim that right actions justify the sinful heart.  He says, “So, you haven’t murdered anyone…But have you been hatefully angry inside your heart?  Have you ever, even for a second wished ill upon someone?  Have you held onto a hurt and allowed bitterness or judgement to fester on the inside? Than you too, although you haven’t killed a person are in danger, for your heart is black!”

It is the claim of the religious that they are better because they haven’t been heinous in action…even if only in fleeting thoughts.

As we, with emotion, with vigor and passion, judge and demand justice for the worst of people…shouldn’t we also (even prior to) judge our own hearts?

Who has satisfied that demand for justice?

Jesus. To him I look, not only wishing he will have mercy upon the heinous, but trusting his justice and mercy for my quiet, black heart.

“But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger…” – Jesus

Race day came and 30,000 people started running 26.2 miles. The course was lined with spectators! They were so excited to see so many people willing to slap pavement for a few hours! I noticed that as I came around around a corner, people’s cheering would drop about an octave and their encouragement sounded a bit more serious.  Yay! Yay! Go Runners! became Hang in there big guy.  We hope you survive.

As I ran I noticed many slim and fit people cheering and not racing.  Looking back, it strikes me: I was committed to what I chose to be committed to.  Finishing that race had little to do with my abilities and the spectator’s not finishing that race had nothing to do with their abilities and everything to do with their commitments.

And so, I make the observation: We are all committed to what we’ve chosen to commit to. Not one of us is uncommitted, we are fully invested into what we’ve chosen to commit to.

As a friend of mine says, “every system is perfectly designed to get the results its getting.”

What are the results of your life? Are you satisfied? If not, than what are you committed to? How can you choose differently?

Maybe you’ll find yourself lumbering down the boulevards of life experiencing greatness not based upon your abilities, but upon your willingness to choose your commitments.

But, alas, the journey of life is better compared to the gritty undertaking of summiting a hill of blacktop that reflects sun in such a way as to require sweat bands and carried water. Lugging and straining I go.

And, today, I find peace and grace on my way.  I choose to accept that life does not owe me a comfortable way, but rather, that I owe life my best effort regardless of my emotional experience in the midst of it.

God, make me more gritty and determined.  I ask.

At the time of Jesus’ life, when he had so few followers at the end, when he was being unjustly killed, while hanging on the cross, he said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

In the end it was about forgiveness.

Choosing to turn the cruelty of this world and the sin that so infects it into beauty.

And Jesus’ best friend needed it the most. Peter. Loser. Liar. Impulsive.

But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’

The angel said, “Peter is to be included in this.” Find Peter. Tell Peter. Bring Peter to Jesus.

Where are you at today? Have you excluded yourself from grace?

How about others? Do you find those who need grace, tell them about Jesus and bring them to Jesus?

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I have stopped believing before.  Life seemed to be against me…God seemed to be against me and in those vulnerable moments, I have stopped believing (or having faith) that God has good in store for me. But, then, in a flurry of recognition, I see him again for who he is and what he is calling me to do and I believe again.  My faith is restored.

How about you? Is your faith low? Take heart and trust that when Jesus is seen again for who he is, you will burst from the inside out with faith.

And then, when my belief in God begins to be restored, hope begins to bubble up.  For me, hope is feeling that my beliefs will play out. I believe God will honor me putting my family first.  I have hope that my kids are being set up for success because I am putting my belief into action. Hope stirs when faith is activated!

Do you have hope?  Do you need to step out in faith so you can get some hope?  Do you need to put your belief into action? Your actions will stimulate hope.

Love bursts onto the scene when faith and hope are present, because at the core of faith is a trust in an external God who has an agenda for me that isn’t selfish, but is others oriented.  Love isn’t the mushy gushy feeling of the teenage fling, but is the resolute decision to live for others even when living for others means allowing my pride, my game, my preferences, my way to die for Jesus’ purposes.

Love, the eternal love of God, is selfless, engaging, real, felt, to be experienced, spread and never dries up and is accesible through faith in Jesus and trust in his ways and plans for your life; which aren’t about you, but about the world he loves, he’s saved and freed. Wow! That’s for you today!  The greatest is love, for love is the expression of a true relationship with God.

Faith. Hope. Love. Experience it all today! God has a good life in store for you!

The fact of 6′ 1” hasn’t changed, but how it is described is very different.  And those descriptions have impact on actions. Tall might mean imposing or physically superior to one person.  To another, tall means awkward.

Our description of our experience makes a difference to us and to the people around us.

When you are in traffic and that traffic is not moving, do you say “stuck?”  Never do we say, “I’ve been sovereignly kept from catastrophe through unavoidable traffic”  We assume that our lives have been interrupted and its quality and output decreased because of the delay.  We describe life through our biased filters.

I find myself listening to old and destructive interpretations of life all the time: You aren’t good enough.  You don’t know how to get things done. You are just a small town boy.  You’ll always feel this way. Remember that mistake? You can’t change your patterns of living. They don’t like you.  They only like you for what you can do for them.  You don’t have friends.  You are the black sheep.

I am constantly describing my own life to me. Its relieving that the above interpretations of my life are as true as I let them be.

Today, I am going to enjoy traffic and delays.  I am changing how I describe life to myself and others.

Today, you short people might become tall.

Our culture seems to love blowing smoke and we all try to inhale that smoke.  We are so hopeful that untrue things about ourselves, our world or others are true.  But, we cannot breathe smoke.  Ultimately, the mixing of truth with that smoke leads to death.For example, I would like to believe that my choices today do not affect tomorrow.  If unchecked,  I will make dozens of small choices every day that don’t take tomorrow into account.  But, how I behave today affects tomorrow, next month and ten years from now.  Thats the truth.

Of course, truth needs to be always expressed in love.  When I am expressing truth about me to me, I have to be gentle and considerate of my own well-being.  I make enough mistakes every day and have the ability to damage myself if I am too hard on me.  I can be truthful with myself, but I cannot qualify that with damaging or demeaning adjectives.

I make mistakes, but am not stupid.  I choose what is wrong, but am not an idiot.

And, with others, I can acknowledge what is true about them.  But, as I talk to myself and to them, it isn’t helpful to qualify them as dumb; we are all just people.

And so, today I must be truthful with me.  I must be truthful about the reality around me.  I must be truthful in very loving ways.    But, all that smoke floating around?  I am willing to not breath it in.

How about you?